Anxiety. A word very commonly used and heard these days. It comes in many forms and presents itself differently to each of us but right now, I am really struggling to control mine.
I grew up surrounded by mental health issues in my family. My grandad, mother, aunt and dad all suffered pretty badly. I saw depression in various forms, whether it be mild mood swings, sectioning, electric shock treatment and eventually suicide from my closest family members. But I was tough, right? I was aware of mental health, what to look for, how to handle and behave in certain tough situations. Of course I wouldn't go down that same path!
Now, the thing I've most often thought is, I don't suffer from mental health issues, just anxiety. But what is anxiety?
It can be pretty frightening realising that you do have or can be suffering from a mental health issue such as anxiety, because let's face it, the anxiety stems from the mind.
With mine, I struggle to think positively. Negative thoughts outweigh the good, I struggle to catch my breath, I'm more aware of the disorganised rythym of my heartbeat, my skin breaks out in dermatitis flare ups and I often struggle to sleep due to constantly overthinking or replaying situations that I cannot change. Which of course leads to me being tired the next day where I repeat the process all over again.
I've tried medication in the past. I didn't like it and stopped when I was pregnant with my youngest daughter and I was reluctant to go back and seek further help from my gp. I can't quite put my finger on why. Maybe they'd blame my weight? Maybe they would think I was weak? I'm now looking into alternative therapies as for me, medication is not always the best answer.
I guess this post is not to offer or seek advice but to raise some kind of awareness that you are never alone. It's all to easy to look at someone's life that they portray online and think they have it made, when more often than not, they struggle with performing the simplest of tasks. For example, I can't bare to call people on the phone. The thought of calling a stranger or answering the phone from an unknown number, literally makes me feel sick to the stomach. It also affects my relationship with my husband. I've got zero trust and so I struggle to cope with that.
I'm not entirely sure how to end this post but I thought it was a good way to share how I'm muddling through life and that I would hate to feel like others are suffering similar alone. There is no shame in asking for help, be it from friends, family or gps.
Supportline have a great list of useful links and help available
here x
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